


Part 4: Details

by Swoon21



Series: The Tiger and The Rabbit [2]
Category: Alice Nine
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 06:36:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8568016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swoon21/pseuds/Swoon21
Summary: This part is Christmasy





	

[ ](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/Swoon/media/Working/PartIV.jpg.html)

“I love you,” Shou whispered, like a soft breeze against Tora’s ear. They both were close, just a few breaths away…

“Shou…” Tora wanted say it back. He really did but somehow he couldn’t. It was as if his mouth suddenly gone dry and no sound came out. A moment later his mind went blank.

They were lying side to side now. Tora couldn’t sleep. Guilt was gnawing at him as if he did something terrible. He knew Shou was still awake too, he could tell by the pattern of the man’s breathing.

“Shou…” ha began hesitantly but as he was about to say something else but Shou put a finger on his lips to silence him.

“Please… don’t say anything. I don’t need any claims or promises. Just be with me.”

Tora didn’t know what to say to that so he just brought Shou closer and tried to fall asleep.

 

“What’s up, man?” Tora had a radio appearance together with Saga. It went fine but after the show was over they went to have a drink and Tora should have guessed, really.

“Nothing.”

“Oh, come on! I can tell something is wrong. Tell me.” Saga wouldn’t give up.

“No.”

“Tell me or I’ll annoy the hell out of you.” Tora knew for a fact that he would too.

“Fine! Last night…” Tora made a pause to think of a better way to explain.

“You couldn’t get it up?” Saga offered with a straight face.

“What? No! What the hell is wrong with you?” Tora had to admit though that the bassist’s stupid jokes always seemed to take some of the tension off. “He… he told me he loved me.”

“How is that bad?” Saga looked at him suspiciously.

“I didn’t say it back.”

“Oh.” Surprisingly this time the bassist didn’t try to tease him.

“I don’t know.” Tora sighed. “I just couldn’t.” They both were silent for a minute or so until Saga asked:

“But do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Love him back?”

“Of course I do.” Tora was surprised by how his answer came out almost instantly.

“Then you just have to say it. You don’t want him to have doubts.” For once Saga was probably right.

“Thanks, I guess.”

“You’re welcome.” The bassist grinned.

And at that they called it a night.

 

The thing was, Tora thought, that he never really said it to anyone. Sure, he’s been in love before. But that was mostly in high school and he knew it was mostly just rush of hormones. He’s also been going out with a number of girls and he really liked them, at least in the beginning, he’d felt affection towards them, but was it love? He really wasn’t sure about that. With Shou though it was different. Something deeper and more intimate. Tora trusted Shou with his life and he knew the man felt the same way about him.

Also Tora always thought that ‘making love’ sounded really corny but he couldn’t use another phrase for what he was doing with Shou. It wasn’t about the skill or experience. The way Shou looked at him, as if he were the only man in the whole world, the way Shou reacted to his every touch, it was an emotional experience as much as it was physical. Though it felt like they both still had a lot to learn Tora couldn’t help but notice how it kept getting better and better every time.

Tora couldn’t quite explain the effect Shou had on him. He saw a lot of attractive people but there was something entirely different about the vocalist, something that made him incredibly erotic without even trying. Whenever he exposed even a little bit of skin, be it chest or shoulders or even feet Tora felt an overwhelming desire to touch. He had to be very careful because his hands seemed to naturally reach out for the man to squeeze his shoulder, run along his arms or linger on his waist.

If all of that were true then why couldn’t he just say it? Tora had no answer to that.

“What’s up?” Shou’s voice drew him out of his thoughts.

“Ah, nothing.”

“Ok then.” Shou didn’t prod any further. One of the things Tora liked about the vocalist was that he knew – if Tora wanted to talk he would talk.

 

“It has been seven years” Tora realized. Seven years since he met Shou. It was hard to believe. Sometimes Tora couldn’t help but wonder how his life would turn out if he hadn’t met the man with big eyes and shy smile. Would he be working at a company? Would he end up in a rut? Would he be alive at all? One thing Tora knew was that he couldn’t imagine living without the caring, gentle man at his side. Shou became a constant warm presence is his life, supporting him, encouraging him. Together they’ve made it this far and he knew they will continue to move forward.

This year they also celebrated their fifth anniversary as a band. Five years since Tora began living a dream. It was a miracle he promised himself to never ever take for granted.

 

“So I guess we won’t be releasing anything this year.” They all gathered at the company’s office to discuss their schedule for the rest of the year.

“But our fans will get restless!” said Hiroto.

“It’s more like you will get restless.” Shou laughed gently.

“Maybe we should release your home video! Fans would love to see that.” Saga butted in.

“Idiot!” Shou threw at the bassist but Tora noticed his cheeks did turn a little red.

“What? That would be good for our sales!”

“OR you could write some good songs.” Hiroto offered.

“Are you saying I’m lazy? Nao, tell him! The kid’s bullying me!”

The playful banter continued and Tora observed it with a smile.

 

“Do you sometimes feel like we adopted three fully grown-up men?” Shou asked him.

“All the time.”

 

But, Tora thought, it did feel like he gained a second family. Somehow from the first time the five of them entered the studio he felt it was going to work out. And now he knew for a fact that with these people he could do anything. Maybe they weren’t topping the charts or playing stadiums, it never really mattered. For all he cared, they could play in tiny clubs for the rest of their career. Whenever the five of them stood on stage together it felt like they were on top of the world.

 

“Shou?”

“Hmm?” Shou replied sleepily from Tora’s shoulder.

“Why’d you become a singer?”

“What’s up with that all of a sudden?”

Tora shrugged with one shoulder that wasn’t occupied.

"I just want to know.”

Shou was silent for a few minutes and Tora thought that he drifted off to sleep but then the vocalist began to speak.

“When I was in middle school all I knew was studying but no matter how hard I tried there were still kids who were better than me. And I just felt so worthless. Like my existence didn’t matter.” Tora cringed a little. The words struck a chord with something deep inside of him, something he’s rather not dwell on.

“I felt people were looking right through me without ever seeing me. So I gave up on studying. I didn’t feel like doing anything.” Shou shifted before continuing.

“When I began to sing I could express the things I felt and it made me want to be heard, so the people who listened to my songs could feel they’re not alone. For the first time I felt I could make a difference, I had a dream.” Shou smiled a little.

“So I began singing in a band. I enjoyed it but… But there were people much better than me, people who could sing so naturally. I knew I would never be half as good. I also received a lot of criticism, people saying I’m tone-deaf and stuff. None of my bands lasted more than a couple of months. At some point I thought: “Fuck this! I’m too naïve to think I could be any good. I’m not attractive and clumsy and I can’t talk without stumbling over my words. I’m just not made to be a singer. Dreams are just dreams.” But then…” Shou paused.

“Then you wrote me a letter saying you wanted to meet me. You said it was ok if I couldn’t hit all the notes, it was ok if I stumbled. Because we could grow together. You believed in me. I knew I’ll never become the best of singers but I promised myself to work even harder, to make your songs shine. I thought that if our songs could make even just one person smile and feel better about themselves, than it was worth it. And that was enough for me to go on.”

 

They both were silent for awhile until Shou asked:

“But Tora… why did choose me?”

Tora just shrugged.

“Somehow I just felt it had to be you.” was all he could say. But it seemed that was enough for Shou if the smile Tora could feel against his neck was any indication.

 

Shou often stayed the night. Sleeping with Shou was different. Not just the sex, but actually sleeping together. Shou was a light sleeper and he would often toss and turn and steal the sheets sometimes wrapping himself up like a giant chrysalis and sometimes clinging to Tora for dear life. Often the guitarist found himself unable to fall asleep for hours and it was somewhat disconcerting. But somehow Tora couldn’t really get annoyed. And in the morning as he opened his eyes and saw the man next to him sleeping so serenely with a small smile gracing his lips he decided he will just have to get used to it.

 

There were many other changes and things that he needed to adapt to. They had their own regular show now and Tora was its host. He was learning to separate his professional and personal life. It wasn’t easy but whenever they were in public and especially on air he tried not to look at the vocalist longer than necessary and keep a social distance.

But the intimacy was always there, just beneath the surface. Even though they were friends for years Tora felt smug he could still make Shou blush with a simple compliment and the same went for him.

Shou also changed. On stage and during the promotions he was getting more and more confident. Tora would like to think that he contributed to that at least a little. And it wasn’t just the public appearances Shou was getting more confident about. Tora could have sworn the vocalist was ‘accidentally’ brushing against him way too often.

“You are such a tease!” Tora would complain when they got to his apartment.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” Shou replied in such an innocent way that Tora would probably believe him if he didn’t know better.

 

Tora had quite a few girlfriends but somehow none of his relationships lasted for long. Many girls fell for his masculine looks, wit and status but soon they were complaining he was cold, unromantic and didn’t spend enough time with them. Tora didn’t blame them but he wasn’t about to cut time from the band to go shopping or partying. The band was above all and whoever wanted to be with him had to accept it.

With Shou he didn’t have to worry about that. He didn’t have to worry about much, really. The last several months have been very peaceful, joyful… happy?

Tora never really thought about creating a family and such especially since none of his relationships lasted long enough to even begin considering it. Yet lately he found himself thinking about things like the future. His future. Their future.

 

His train of thought was disrupted by a ringing sound.

“Hello?”

“Good morning, dear.” His mother’s voice.

“Hello, mother.”

“How are you, Shinji?”

“I’m fine.”

“You always say that.”

“What am I supposed to say?”

“Have you seen my…?” Shou’s face appeared in the doorway but seeing Tora was on the phone the man smiled a little awkwardly and backed away.

“Was that Shou?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“He’s such a sweet boy. I’m so glad you have friends like that, Shinji. You were always so distant and lonely.”

Tora realized he was gripping the phone harder than necessary.

“Look, Mum, I…”

“Alright, alright. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You never call…”

“Mum…”

“I just want someone to look after you, that’s all.”

But I already have someone who does…

“Ok, dear. Take care, bye.”

With that she disconnected. Yet Tora didn’t put the phone down, he just continued to stand there as if in a daze.

“Are you ok?” Shou asked softly concern evident in his voice. Tora didn’t even hear him approach.

“Yeah, just… I need to tell her.” Shou looked at him with understanding.

“It won’t be easy. You have to do it when you’re ready.”

Tora brought him closer by the waist and put their foreheads together.

“Thank you.”

Then added:  
“But I will do it.”

“Ok.” Shou just smiled.

 

Slowly autumn turned into winter. Tora didn’t really like the cold but it gave him an excuse to stay in. Plus there were certain new aspects he enjoyed about winter. Like the oversized sweaters Shou liked to wear at home or the way his cheeks turned pink from the cold or that strawberry lip balm he used.

Sometimes in the evening they would go for a walk. They took the quietest streets and just walked side by side watching snow descending in the yellow glow of the street lights. When no one was around Shou clung to Tora’s arm and Tora knew it wasn’t just for warmth. He too sometimes gave in to temptation and put his arm around Shou’s waist or shoulder. They hardly said a word, as if it would break the charm. It made Tora very peaceful inside.

But most times they would stay in all day, watching movies and playing games. Shou often cheated by running his hand along Tora’s thigh and they would end up making out on the couch. Not that Tora minded.

In the evening Shou would often read a book while Tora would simply take a nap using his lap as a pillow. Shou laughed and petted his hair and teased him saying he’s gotten himself a really big cat. “Well, at least I won’t give you allergy” Tora noted and Shou laughed even harder.

 

They finished their schedule early this year. The second White Period tour came to an end at the final concert on the 16th of December. During the three-hour-long event, they performed a variety of songs from their entire career and Tora realized how much they really grew in these 5 years, both as individuals and as a band. That night everyone gave it their all. But inevitably Tora’s eyes kept being drawn to the man in the centre. Shou was magnificent, gracefully moving around the stage in his white coat with black fur. The yellow lights made it seem like he was glowing. His voice has gotten so much stronger than when they first met, it resonated in the hall filling it with warmth. It was a bit like a fairy-tale. Everyone kept smiling at each other and sharing knowing glances. They couldn’t wish for a better way to wrap up the year. Yet it felt like this was just the beginning.

 

Christmas was the time that made happy people happier and lonely people lonelier. Not that Tora was lonely but he couldn’t shake off the gloomy thoughts. Somehow his last few relationships ended the same way. He’d start dating a girl in summer but by winter any affection he had for her would vanish. Because of that he got used to spending Christmas alone. But this year he found himself looking forward to Christmas for the first time since he was a child.

 

But then things don’t always go as you want them to.

“It’s my mother’s birthday soon so she wants me go with her to Hokkaido for a family reunion.”

“Oh.” Was all Tora said in reply.

“What do you think?” Shou looked at him expectantly.

Tora wasn’t sure why Shou was asking him in the first place, it wasn’t like he had any say in the matter.

“Huh? Sure, go ahead.”

“Okay.” Did Shou sound a bit disappointed? Tora scowled at his own inability to read people, or more specifically Shou.

“So when will you be back?” Tora said trying to sound casual.

“Not sure yet, I think around the 26th?”

“I see.”

“It something wrong?”

“No, of course not. Go.” Tora smiled hoping he sounded supportive.

 

“Take care of yourself, ok? I’ll call you when I get there” Shou said placing a tender kiss on his cheek and he was gone.

 

It was just a week, just one week, Tora told himself. Every couple needs a break, he told himself. But that didn’t help to brighten his mood. Shou sounded happy when he called, it seemed like he was having a good time. And Tora… Somehow the apartment felt too big and empty. Days seemed to drag too slowly.

 

It was the Christmas Eve and Tora was alone in his apartment. It’s no big deal, he thought. I’m a grown up man. But why did he feel so restless? Chikin was looking at him skeptically. Tora tried watching TV but nothing caught his interest. He didn’t feel like playing games either so he ended up sitting on the couch staring blankly at the Christmas illuminations on the wall. He didn’t even know why he’d put them there in the first place. Because Shou would like it, his inner voice offered. Tora just frowned. “Maybe I should just go to bed”.

That’s when he heard the bell ringing. At first he thought he imagined it but there it was again. Reluctantly Tora got up and went to answer the door.

“Shou?”

“Sorry, I took so long!” the man said stepping inside.

“Huh?” Tora just kept staring at him dumbly.

“Didn’t you get my message?”

“What message?”

“I wrote that I’m arriving today.” Tora didn’t even know where he dropped his mobile. Finally he snapped out of his trance.

“Shit, sorry. I should have picked you up.”

“It’s ok. I took a taxi.” Shou said unzipping his parka. His cheeks were pink from the cold and there were tiny droplets of water on his eyelashes.

 

Shou got a little startled when he was suddenly enveloped in a bear hug.

“I missed you.” Tora didn’t try to hold it back. His voice seemed to sound hollow from hardly talking the last few days.

“Me too.”

“But what about your family?” Tora asked finally stepping back.

“You’re my family.” Shou answered looking him straight in the eyes. Tora felt like crying.

“I couldn’t leave you alone on Christmas. Mum has father. Grandparents too. So I…”

“Thank you.” Tora said tenderly kissing the cold lips.

 

It was ten minutes later, as Shou was sitting on the couch sipping latte (or at least Tora’s attempt at it) from a mug that it happened.

“I love you.”

Tora didn’t plan on saying it, didn’t rehearse. It just came out naturally.

He loved Shou’s gentle smile, his determination, his clumsiness, loved the mischievous glint in his eyes, the way he brushed the hair out of his eyes, the way he blinked when he was confused, the way he stuttered, the way he held objects in his hands so delicately, the way he kissed. There was no other word to describe this feeling.

Shou seemed to be stunned for a few seconds and it made Tora nervous, almost like that first time he revealed his feelings. Shou’s eyes grew ever bigger and he was blinking in confusion, but after a few moments the vocalist’s face lit up with joy and his cheeks flushed.

“Sorry I never said it before. I just…”

“No. You don’t need to apologize. I know you’re like that. I knew you wouldn’t say it unless you were 200% serious. I hate it when people say things carelessly.”

Tora couldn’t help but sigh in relief.

“Besides you did tell me.”

“Huh?” this time it was Tora who looked up in confusion. Shou graced him with a shy smile.

“You don’t always have to speak to say something. Words are just words. I never trusted them anyway.”

Tora felt the already familiar stirring in his chest.

“But… hearing you say it makes me really happy.” Tora waited.

“I love you too.”

 

That night they didn’t have sex. Tora held Shou close while he was telling stories of how he went skiing in the mountains and his grandmother’s delicious cake and the wonderful landscape of Hokkaido covered in snow. Tora listened carefully wondering when he got so completely and utterly smitten. But somehow it didn’t scare him anymore.

That was the best Christmas he ever had.

**Author's Note:**

> Some of you might know that there are two main ways of saying "I love you" - roughly "Kimi ga suki" and "Aishiteru". The first one is more of an "I like you" and often used for first confessions. The second is more serious and meaningful. When I was writing this arc, in my mind the first time Tora confessed he used the former while in this part it was the latter. Just thought I'd explain that.


End file.
